Submitted by Los

After pictures and rumors surfaced of a “slim model” Xbox 360’s motherboard dubbed Valhalla, one can’t help but look at it and blow it off as Microsoft fixing some obvious hardware issues that have plagued the 360 since it’s birth. Also to add to the speculation of a redesign, an update will soon be released to use USB flashdrives as portable memory. Which would render the memory slots useless. So what better time to make a physical feature of your hardware obsolete than right before a redesign? Besides fixing flaws and removing obsolete options in the hardware, the redesign may be seen as a way to attract both new and old 360 customers to the console, especially now when Microsoft’s Project Natal is slated to release this holiday season. And here is where my mind started wandering…

Thanks to Queueman shedding some light on the subject of names, I looked it up further. Valhalla, the name of this rumored new motherboard, is known in Norse mythology as a majestic hall in which those selected who have died in combat are sent to. It is also known as Hall of the Slain. So in today’s perspective, you can say it’s kind of like Heavens Gates, “the light at the end of the tunnel” so to speak.

Knowing Microsoft as a group of fairly intellectual people, you have to imagine that they didn’t just throw darts at a book of Norse Mythology to come up with this name. No, in fact, most of the names I looked up had a mythological background. Zephyr, the God of the West Wind in Greek Mythology. Falcon, the translation of the name Horus, the most significant of the deities in Egyptian Mythology. Opus, a son of Zeus, also of Greek Mythology. And now Valhalla, from Norse Mythology.

My point is that names are given for a reason. The three I listed are all powerful names from their respected backgrounds, and I’m sure they weren’t just chosen because they sounded cool. They were chosen because they have powerful meanings and that is how Microsoft saw themselves at the time. Now look at Valhalla signifying the place where those who have died are sent to, it can only mean this will be the last redesign of the Xbox 360.

This is where the argument comes in to play as to why Microsoft would release their white horse, Project Natal, during the last stretch of the 360. While some say this is not the end of the console for this generation, I have to differ. With Microsoft being serious about their role in the gaming industry, it’s hard to imagine they took all the failures the 360 had lightly. They’ve earned a reputation for faulty hardware and will need some strong legging to bring themselves back into the good graces of all those who have gone through numerous 360’s. And they know the worse thing they can do is have history repeat itself when they release a new console.

So here’s what I think.

I feel that this is in fact the last run the Xbox 360 is going to have. And it will be packaged with Project Natal to be more marketable towards those who already have the console and those who are interested in what Natal can do. The technology will be mostly the same but I have a feeling there will be some things under the hood we won’t really know about. And overall, Valhalla and Natal will be Microsoft’s test run of how their next generation hardware will be and hold up. Which I think will be something of a fusion between Valhalla, a slimmer, sleeker more dependable and updated version of the 360, and Natal, Microsoft’s answer to the industry dominating Nintendo Wii, and their obvious vision of the consoles future. It’s no secret that Microsoft is a company that loves to be on top and they know what it takes. So they will do everything in their power to make sure that history does not repeat itself.

Another reason for my thinking, “Natal” itself means “relating to birth”. Let that sink in.

With Valhalla signifying death and Natal meaning birth, the picture can’t be painted any clearer.

"But inside...."

“We need to bring the surprise.” She said. She sure brought it, but not the way she intended. Before we all go and blast this seemingly sweet lady for her almost completely content-barren, marketing jargon laden, aloof presentation of absolutely nothing, let’s put it in perspective for a moment:

Wired Magazine staff writer Chris Kohler said it best after 2008’s E3: “Personally, I think Dunaway, a former Yahoo executive who joined Nintendo of America last year, is a convenient scapegoat for angry gamers disappointed by Nintendo’s lack of hard-core content.” Kohler had a great point. But she’s had a whole year to play catch up, as has Nintendo. Both of them seem to be resting on their laurels, or more aptly put, their gigantic pile of money. But as those Wii’s and DS’s sit unplayed in the shelves and drawers of forty, fifty and sixty something’s, Nintendo will suddenly find itself in another post-super-nintendo era of irrelevancy. A time when the lifetime gamers ask, “What have you done for me lately?” And all Nintendo can do is shrug and hold up another Mario Brothers game for an outdated console. While Xbox and Sony are attempting to think ahead and anticipate the needs and wants of gamers, Nintendo appears to be happy with its moment of glory called the Christmas shopping season of 2007.

What does all this have to do with Cammie Dunaway? Everything. She embodies what Nintendo thinks is their target market. She is (At best, judging from her pathetic Mario skills… seriously, whose idea was it to give her a controller?) a casual gamer. She spent almost 30 minutes patting herself on the back for marketing games to women and senior citizens. Sincerely, way to go Cammie. There should be games out there for Women! (Not just pink colored consoles.) There should be games out there for grandpa! Sometimes I don’t feel like pressing X while holding LB and circling  counter clockwise on LS! This innovation should be certainly be celebrated. There’s only one very big problem: Women and senior citizens aren’t watching E3. (Forgive me Dana, Annie) Why does that matter? Because these demographics, en masse, aren’t who we not in the marketing biz like to call “repeat customers.” (There’s another issue here, about why video game companies treat women like idiots, which is a post for another time.) They’re not, in large numbers, dumping $60 to $120 a month on new games, or $350 to $500 a year on new hardware. And as the Wii fades into the past as all consoles do as a reminder of how lame we used to be, Cammie, like her fellow target demographics will leave Nintendo for things other than video games, and Nintendo will be left once again as a distant third, or worse. What’s worse? Call Sega, they’ll explain everything.

2. For all the clamoring for “new and exciting,” the ugly truth is: We want sequels.

Sony's R&D Department Picnic

I can’t tell you how excited I was to see some new games. New types of gameplay! New genres! New characters! New titles! New developers! New New New! In the end, I simply sat there, my Jaw on the floor as I glared in awe at the preview videos of Assasin’s Creed 2, Uncharted 2, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, The Last Guardian (ICO 3),  Gran Turismo 5, Super Mario Galaxy 2, Halo 4 and 5, Bioshock 2, Splinter Cell 5, Metriod 87,  Final Fantasy 293 and 294, and Metal Gear 659.3. After I was done, I couldn’t even remember my own name. All I could think was, “How in the world am I going to buy all these games and put gas in my car?” So if you’re like me and you bitch and moan and whine, “Why isn’t there anything new out there to play?” just look at yourself in the mirror. That’s why.

3. Sony’s R&D department is totally fired.

Just watch the videos, in case you missed it.  I don’t think I need to explain this one. For an extra dose of irony, play them both at the same time.